Sunday, June 15, 2008

Dealing with the emotions

So, I am having a hard time dealing with my emotions these past couple of days. Not everything, though. Really, it's just one thing in particular - how damn much I am going to miss my little girl while I am in the hospital. I didn't think about it for the first time until the other night while I was driving home from work. Instantly, I started bawling and couldn't control it. Since that night, I think about it off and on and every single time I think about it, I cry. The next morning Graycen woke up at 7:00am and came wandering into our room (like usual) She was trying to climb up onto the bed with me. David got up and was coming over to my side of the bed to take her out so I could sleep. I just looked at him and said "It's OK" She climbed up and snuggled and got "compy" between us. We all laid there for a little bit and snuggled. The night before made me realize how much I want to spend time with her before I go.
I am going to miss Graycen so much while I am gone. I can't see her the whole time I am in the hospital. I know some people would have their kids come down and see them, but I know how hard it would be on me and I am sure she would have a tough time, too. It seems as though it's easier to have her just 'forget' about us for a couple of days rather than be reminded of us through phone calls or seeing us at all. I had to ask ma to not bring her down to the hospital. i don't know if she wanted to anyways, but I had to be sure to ask not to. I know I couldn't deal with it. David said he want to come home and see her and spend time at home. He probably can. I think as long as she is either distracted or sleeping (like nap time or bedtime or something)when he leaves.
I keep wondering how she is going to feel or what she is going to think. Why did mom and dad disappear? Are they coming back? All of these things run through my mind. When we come home, is she going to be weird towards us? So many questions run through my mind.
I know she will be fine. It's me I'm worried about!
So, for you moms of 2 kids. How did you handle this - these emotions? I'm sure I'm not the only one.


Monkeymama said...

I remember how nerve wracking it was to think about staying away from Rebecca while I was in the hospital - I hadn't left her for an overnight before.

We took a different approach - I talked to her on the phone a couple times while I was in the hospital and we did have her come and visit once. I felt it would be easier for all of us if it seemed that I was accessible if she needed me, not that she did. I think it would have been too difficult to not have contact.

jessica @pianomomsicle said...

i'm sorry you're having a rough time! Obviously i have absolutely no advice...yet. But i hope you feel better. Maybe in the upcoming days you can plan special little "mommy daughter" times to enjoy the time you have?

You will still have plenty of time to spend with just her, too. Don't think that just because you're having a baby doesn't mean you won't have special times with her any more.

Feel better!

Anonymous said...

I think it will not be as hard on her as you may think. She is use to you or Dave going to work. I realize that when one is at work the other is at home but she is still use you either coming or going. I will do my best to keep her busy and happy and occupied. I will also make sure that she knows that you are getting Parker ready to come home with you if you want me to talk about it. I will take direction from both you and Dave as what you want me to do. I think that it is best that Dave come home for her to see. And her coming to the hospital might work if Dave brings her to see you and Parker and Dave brings her back home. I know how you feel, it was hard for me with my three kids as well, then a person stayed in the hospital 3-4 days. Hang in there sweetheart... the time will come and go quickly because you are a healthy person and I know that Parker will be a healthy baby boy.... I love you.......

Beth said...

Well shoot, I was wrong about you having the baby right now. Henry did visit us in the hospital and it was a really great moment, introducing him to his little brother, but he was also three years old, older than Graycen.

My biggest worry was Henry just feeling like he didn't love us anymore, he was missing attention. It will all work out though.

Try not to stress out about it. You will find that everything will fall into place, that you won't know how your family 'felt complete' without Parker.

Marketing Mama said...

As others have said, it will for sure work out okay and she'll be fine. I had planned for Alex to visit us in the hospital - turns out he got freaked out by the very idea and didn't want to go. So Mitch just spent time with him at home and I came home as soon as I could from the hospital... I think when they are this little that going to the hospital can be confusing and scary, so your plan sounds like a good one. :)