So, I am having a hard time dealing with my emotions these past couple of days. Not everything, though. Really, it's just one thing in particular - how damn much I am going to miss my little girl while I am in the hospital. I didn't think about it for the first time until the other night while I was driving home from work. Instantly, I started bawling and couldn't control it. Since that night, I think about it off and on and every single time I think about it, I cry. The next morning Graycen woke up at 7:00am and came wandering into our room (like usual) She was trying to climb up onto the bed with me. David got up and was coming over to my side of the bed to take her out so I could sleep. I just looked at him and said "It's OK" She climbed up and snuggled and got "compy" between us. We all laid there for a little bit and snuggled. The night before made me realize how much I want to spend time with her before I go.
I am going to miss Graycen so much while I am gone. I can't see her the whole time I am in the hospital. I know some people would have their kids come down and see them, but I know how hard it would be on me and I am sure she would have a tough time, too. It seems as though it's easier to have her just 'forget' about us for a couple of days rather than be reminded of us through phone calls or seeing us at all. I had to ask ma to not bring her down to the hospital. i don't know if she wanted to anyways, but I had to be sure to ask not to. I know I couldn't deal with it. David said he want to come home and see her and spend time at home. He probably can. I think as long as she is either distracted or sleeping (like nap time or bedtime or something)when he leaves.
I keep wondering how she is going to feel or what she is going to think. Why did mom and dad disappear? Are they coming back? All of these things run through my mind. When we come home, is she going to be weird towards us? So many questions run through my mind.
I know she will be fine. It's me I'm worried about!
So, for you moms of 2 kids. How did you handle this - these emotions? I'm sure I'm not the only one.